Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
