Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
