So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
