My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
