Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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