Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
