Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
