he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
