so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
