I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
