its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
