Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
