My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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