I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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