My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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