you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
