remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
