I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
