I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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