The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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