You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize