I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
