You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
