she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
