1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
