He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Let's paint friendship bongs
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
