just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
