So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
