it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think i got beer on your cat.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
