Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
