I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize