this just has baby written all over it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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