i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
