we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
