Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize