what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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