Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
