Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
