He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
