Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
