Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
