I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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