Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
