Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Congratulations! We have a period
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
