Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
