Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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