Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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