Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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