i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
