Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
