Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
