her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
