can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
