just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
