My friends, they love my intelligence
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
