his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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