how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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