There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
