So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize