His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
