I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Panties = found
Randomize
