you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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