He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
