I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
