were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
