My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
