I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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