i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
