Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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