But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
