I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
No subtext here. People are naked.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize