I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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