I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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