New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
