Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize
