Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She's the barista slut.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
