I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
