So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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