when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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