If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
