she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's shark week go big or go home
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
