when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
