All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
