so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
