just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
