don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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